Unschooling: Learning doesn't change when child turns four

Four. The age that most children in the UK enter the school system. The age I've been dreading.

Until Jakob turned four, nobody was too bothered about our decision to home educate. They thought that we would 'come around' or 'see sense'. I knew that once he turned four the questions, the comments, the criticisms and the concern would escalate. I'm not sure why, out of all our parenting decisions, that this seems to be the one that causes the most upset in the family. I suppose it's because home education is alien to most of them. I don't blame them, I'm sure I had similar feelings once upon a time, before I actually researched the prospect.

The thing is, the negativity wears me down, it makes me doubt myself and feel like I'm wrong about what is best for my children. Wrong to let them have their own choices and opinions on how they should be educated. I knew that once Jakob was old enough to be in school I would be under pressure.

Pressure to teach rather than facilitate learning. Pressure to do rather than be. Pressure to socialise rather than play together.

Jakob turned four in May. This meant that in September everyone his age started school. Jakob didn't. Whilst everyone around us was starting new and exciting adventures, going out buying uniform and stationery, getting ready for 'the big day', posting those 'back to school' photos online - our lives stayed relatively the same.

The first day of school there was a buzz of activity around us, both online and in real life. The school traffic resumed, cars parked up and down our road, parents were either sad or relieved (depending on who you asked!). Not for us. We woke up, ate some cereal, did some drawing... continued with our usual daily activities.

I have to be honest, I felt a little unsure of myself. Shouldn't we be doing something? He's school aged now, maybe I really should be cracking open the textbooks. Maybe unschooling is just as much of a crazy notion as my family make it out to be? In fact, is home education altogether really the right path for my children? Is Jakob going to be happy? Fulfilled? Motivated?

Questions filled my mind, and doubts shadowed me. But as the days rolled on and the season changed from an unusually hot late summer to a bright but chilly Autumn I knew we had made the right decision. Not because anything had changed, but because it had stayed the same. We continued to be what we had always been, doing the same things we've always done - playing, drawing, reading, exploring, cuddling, talking.

I always find that Autumn is the season we really connect with nature, and this autumn was particularly special. Not only was Jakob going to forest school every Friday but we had endless outings, wandering through woods, exploring parks and nature reserves, connecting with each other and the world around us.

The more time I spent with my children, the less I cared about other people's opinions. The pressure of others ceased to bother me. I realised what I had inwardly already known - we had been doing it right all along.




Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be updated by afternoon January 14 with all the carnival links.)

• The making of an artist— Some kids take longer than others to come into themselves, so you have to stick with them, as a parent, long after everyone else has given up, writes Douglas at Friendly Encounters.
• Not Losing Yourself as a First Time Mom— Katie at All Natural Katie continues to stay true to herself after becoming a new mom.
• Using Continuity to Help Change {Carnival of Natural Parenting}— Meegs from A New Day talks about how she is using continuity in certain areas of her life to help promote change and growth in others.
• Staying the Same : Security— Life changes all the time with growing children but Mother Goutte realised that there are other ways to 'stay the same' and feel secure, maybe a bit too much so!
• Harmony is What I'm After— Tribal Mama gushes about how constant change is really staying the same and staying the same brings powerful change.
• A Primal Need For Order and Predictability – And How I Let That Go— Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares how she overcame her primal need for order and predictability once her awareness shifted, opening her eyes to the impact this had on her young daughter. Take a short journey with Jennifer and she bares her soul, exposes her weaknesses and celebrates her new outlook and approach to living life, even in the face of total chaos.
• Breastfeeding Before and After— Breastfeeding has come and gone, but Issa Waters at LoveLiveGrow finds that her relationship with her son is still just the same and just as good.
• A Real Job— Back in high school That Mama Gretchen had a simple, but worthwhile career aspiration and today she is living her dream … is it what you think?
• Comforting— sustainablemum never thought she would want things always being the same, but she explains why it is exactly what her family wants and needs.
• The Other Mums' and The Great Illusion— Marija Smits reflects on the 'great big magic show of life' and wonders if it will continue to remain a constant in our lives.
• Unschooling: Learning doesn't change when a child turns four— Charlotte at Winegums & Watermelons talks about the pressure of home education when everyone else's children are starting school.
• Finding Priorities in Changing Environments— Moving from Maine to a rural Alaskan island for her husband's military service, Amy at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work found that keeping consistent with her priorities in changing environments can take some work, but is vital to continuous health and happiness.
• Keeping it "Normal"— Kellie at Our Mindful Life has moved several times in the last two years, while doing her best to keep things stable for her kids.
• The Evolution Of Our Homeschool Journey— Angela at Earth Mama's World reflects on her homeschooling journey. Homeschooling is a constant in the life of her family but the way in which they learn has been an evolution.
• Sneaking in Snuggles: Using Nurturing Touch with Older Children— When Dionna at Code Name: Mama's son was a toddler and preschooler, he was the most loving, affectionate kiddo ever. But during the course of his 5th year, he drastically reduced how often he showed affection. Dionna shares how she is mindfully nurturing moments of affection with her son.
• Steady State— Zoie at TouchstoneZ writes a letter to her partner about his constancy through the rough sailing of parenting.
• A Love You Can Depend On— Over at True Confessions of a Real Mommy, Jennifer has a sweet little poem reminding us where unconditional love really lies, so it can remain a constant for us and our children.
• Same S#!*, Different Day— Struggling against the medical current can certainly get exhausting, especially as the hunt for answers drags on like it has for Jorje of Momma Jorje.
• New Year, Still Me— Mommy Bee at Little Green Giraffe writes about how a year of change helped her rediscover something inside herself that had been the same all along.
• One Little Word for 2014— Christy at Eco Journey In The Burbs has decided to focus on making things this year, which is what she is loves, as long as she doesn't kill herself in the process.
• The Beauty of Using Montessori Principles of Freedom and Consistency— Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares the continuity of her teaching, parenting, and grandparenting philosophy using a combination of freedom and consistency.
• My Husband's Mini— Crunchy Con Mom shares which of her sons looks more like her husband's baby pictures — and the answer might surprise you!
• Growth Happens When You Aren't Looking— Lori at TEACH through Love is treasuring these fleeting moments of her daughter's early adolescence by embracing the NOW.
• A New Reality Now - Poem— As Luschka from Diary of a First Child struggles to come to terms with the loss of her mother, she shares a simple poem, at a loss for more words to say.
• Making a family bedroom— Lauren at Hobo Mama has decided to be intentional about her family's default cosleeping arrangements and find a way to keep everyone comfortable.
• New Year, Same Constants— Ana at Panda & Ananaso takes a look at some of the things that will stay the same this year as a myriad of other changes come.
• I Support You: Breastfeeding and Society— Despite how many strides we've taken to promote "breast is best," Amy at Natural Parents Network talks about how far we still have to go to normalize breastfeeding in our society.