Standing in the garden, my bare feet in puddles, dressed in only my cosy dressing gown I watched the fireworks. Listening to cheers. I know I couldn't have heard it from where I was, but the sound of glasses clinking rattled in my brain. I watched the rain slowly stop and the sky light up. I stood alone, shivering wondering what I was doing.
Ian was out with friends, my dad was asleep in bed, the boys were asleep in their beds. I told everyone I had too much exam revision to celebrate new years... but in reality? I didn't feel like celebrating. I felt miserable. I didn't even wake the boys up, or sneak into their room to kiss their foreheads.
Each year seems to get worse, and over the last couple of days the feeling of dread for the new year has been building up inside me. What could possibly in store for us next year? Not that we have it bad... compared to some people. But comparison sucks... and last year sucked for us. So I reserved the right to feel miserable.
But standing there out there alone in the cold, watching the fireworks, hearing other people being happy I suddenly thought 'what am I doing?' Why shouldn't next year be amazing? Why can't I make that extra effort to make it better than ever?
So, scrap the new years diet, the annual gym membership that won't be used past February. Forget the stupid materialistic, insignificant resolutions.
My resolution for 2014?
