The perils of going to the toilet alone when you have small children

I knew I shouldn't have done it. The moment I heard the silence, I knew.


I don't know why children don't like you going to the toilet alone - does anyone else know? Is it just my children?

We had discussed it earlier when Jakob kept dragging me to the loo. I told him that one day when he had children of his own he would cherish going to the toilet alone. He didn't believe me. He said that he will always need someone to watch him. I think he is proud of weeing. And I think he likes to observe others to compare different methods - like sitting or standing, wiping or shaking...

I wanted to try and show him that it is ok for people to go to the toilet alone, I wanted to help him.

Fists banged at the door so hard it shook, screaming ensued... 'BUT I NEED TO WATCH'.

There was no turning back, I had already started.

I began contemplating how quickly I could run to unlock the door, whilst trying to hold the rest in. After childbirth not doing my pelvic floor exercises (ever) I worked out that there would be very little chance of completing this mission successfully. But then the banging stopped. It was going to be ok.

I should have known better... I know what silence means with young children. I was enjoying the moment too much to think straight. When I finished I even closed the seat and sat there for a moment, just savouring the peace and quiet.

And then it hit me. Quiet? Silence. Uh-oh.

I emerged to find what I thought was an empty house. I then heard voices upstairs. 'It looks so nice joshua....''ank yooou Jakob''do you want me to get you a mirror?''es please!'

I ran upstairs, thoughts of paint and pens and ruined clothes running through my mind, but as soon as I went into their room I saw it.


Jakob was hiding. He knew. Joshua turned to me, 'ook mummy... Jakob ut my air'. ..... 'niccceee?'


I started laughing hysterically. From one angle it looked fine, from another it looked as if it had been caught in heavy machinary, and from another angle it looked like a mullet.

He loved it so much, when he saw me snapping pictures he went and sat in his chair and went 'take picture!'... so I did.


My dad's favourite saying is 'laughing always turns into crying'.

On this occasion he was right, I was devastated. You live and learn, right?